What Shall I Wear? - Dressing Conundrums

Recently I was invited by my lovely work to go to India for two weeks. I was absolutely delighted, having wanted to go there for such a long time, to experience the sights, sounds and smells of somewhere so utterly different from everything I have ever been used to is a very exciting prospect indeed for me. I absolutely love discovering new places with rich and vibrant histories.
But then, it came to packing. Holy hell - it has never taken me so long to pack a suitcase (actually, a tiny to medium sized backpack - what was I thinking?) India is the trickiest destination I've ever packed for. Ordinarily any hot destination I'd opt for sandals & pretty dresses or flip flops shorts and printed tops - but I wanted to be respectful and cover my knees and shoulders, and nothing tight. I own nothing summery that has sleeves. I hate wearing sleeves in hot weather. I promptly ordered three t-shirts from ASOS. But baggy tops and baggy bottoms - how does one avoid looking like a sack of fabric? You don't want to look like a wanker hippy traveler cock,  but you also don't want to be culturally disrespectful. I'm not sure I managed to find the ideal balance, but if it helps anyone, here are my tips; 

1. If you don't already own several pairs of light cotton 'Travelling Trousers' buy some on arrival. They are dirt cheap in Asia, light, comfortable and colourful. I have three pairs, they are invaluable. 
2. If you have bought the colourful 'Travelling Trousers' then light cotton t-shirts are perfect. Plain, preferably as the market trousers will invariably be bright. 
3. Pashmina/Scarves - If you can't stand the heat and you opt for a tank then tie a pashmina around your bag strap, saves bag space if tight on that, and you can whip it off and around your shoulders if they need to be covered. 
4. Big earring - if feeling un-glamorous when separated from your usual tailored and heeled attire they add the hint of Joan Collins required to make you feel ladylike once more. 
5. Maxi Dresses - all in one. Done. 

Zia Hates - Puffa Jackets

I can't actually believe that I haven't mentioned these before. I've checked twice through my posts just to make sure, but it's notably absent. Perhaps the sheer level of rage that I have for the ugliness of the Puffa Jacket could not be contained - and I feared for the destruction of my laptop. After all, just looking at them is enough to make me 'Hulk Up' turn green and start smashing the fuck out of everything in sight. Well, maybe not that extreme. But I would like to set fire to them, a little bit.
The problems are so glaringly obvious that I can't see why anyone would think to wear them in the first place. The main excuse that is trawled out is that they are so WARM. So is my Bunny Onesy, but I don't wear it around town, and frankly, I'd feel less of cock wearing that than I would a puffa jacket. And believe me, I look a cock in my Bunny Onesy. That's why it's an INSIDE GARMENT.

Here are my top 5 reasons for hating the Puffa; 

1. They are Unflattering. (Capital U) Why would anyone want to make themselves look like the Michelin Man? He is a tire. A big fat car tire.
2. It's not 1997 anymore. You are not in East 17. Anything that Brian Harvey has ever worn should automatically be written off as a potential purchase. 
3. The shiny ones resemble bin bags, full of air and sadness. 
4. Even the spelling 'Puffa' looks like text-speak. They are therefore assisting with the destruction of the English language. 
5. You look worse than the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. At least he looks good to eat. 

There are a plethora of other options. Tailored wool coats and jackets. Faux fur. Layers of fine Merino and cable knit jumpers. Military jackets, blazers and scarfs - I could go on forever. Anything but the Puffa, and bloody polar fleece, but that's another rant all together... 

Zia Loves - Miss Selfridge

Having survived almost a year in the South Island of New Zealand, thing were getting pretty desperate fashion-wise. Any fashion magazine worth it's salt is about $30 to import and you can FORGET about the shopping. There's nothing in between clothes that are suitable for nubile teens and grumpy grannies. NOTHING.
 Special mention must go to ASOS for seeing me through this difficult time. Free delivery to (practically) the South Pole has been indispensable. However, there's nothing quite like wandering around a shop, touching the fabrics and trying things on. Then, a shining light. Miss Selfridge has appeared, like a mirage in a shopping desert. It's a mere tiny section in a department store, but it is a shining ray of hope that perhaps a few more international brands may yet reach these distant and desolate shores.
When I left the UK I wrote H&M a most heartfelt love letter, asking them to come with me. Despite the cool and someone derisive response - I still feel the same way H&M. All is forgiven, you are more than welcome to follow Miss S to New Zealand. (P.S. I was kinda hoping for some vouchers with the crazy letter, but alas, apparently you didn't find it as cute as I'd hoped.) 

What the Fuck?

Oh deary me former/current/maybe (who fucking cares) Mrs Cole. Despite being a tiny wisp of a thing she has managed to gigantify her thighs to rugby player proportions with this hideous monochrome jester ensemble. Add a single black tear & some white face paint and voila! We have Pierrot, the porcelain 80's nightmare clown gracing the shelves of many a young girls' bookcase. Pierrot terrified me then, and Cheryl - the addition of the peplum has only increased the horror. 

Zia Covets

Leading the pack of the S/S12 Americiana Trend these Prada beauties are just too fabulous. Super kitch and uber fabulous - I just adore them. Based on the American muscle cars of the 1950's, stilettos with tail lights just seem all so exciting. Vrrrooooom! 

Today I Shall Wear

Today, as I'm bored of my usual Monday black-trousers-and-boots crossly stamping to work uniform I've decided to try and be a bit more fashion forward. Hence, in a nod to two of the biggest AW11/12 trends I have opted for a polo neck, with a black lace knee length skirt & black lace knee high socks (girls.) It's all there in the pages of Vogue, although the only thing I can say I'm confident about is that someone is definitely going to rip the piss when I get into work. I've tried to make it a bit more grown up with a side bun, amethyst drop earrings & heeled brogues. Hoping I look a bit Foxy Librarian, although worried if I threw a checked dressing gown over the top I'd look like the type of mismatched nutter who goes through bins and shouts and seagulls and children....

Today I Shall Wear

A navy & oatmeal boat neck striped breton top, blue cotton cigarette trousers, brown wedge skater boots with a faux fur turnover. Red coat over the top and fluffy white fingerless gloves. Perfect for a Pub Roast on the Sunday with the fiances family.