Zia Hates - Puffa Jackets

I can't actually believe that I haven't mentioned these before. I've checked twice through my posts just to make sure, but it's notably absent. Perhaps the sheer level of rage that I have for the ugliness of the Puffa Jacket could not be contained - and I feared for the destruction of my laptop. After all, just looking at them is enough to make me 'Hulk Up' turn green and start smashing the fuck out of everything in sight. Well, maybe not that extreme. But I would like to set fire to them, a little bit.
The problems are so glaringly obvious that I can't see why anyone would think to wear them in the first place. The main excuse that is trawled out is that they are so WARM. So is my Bunny Onesy, but I don't wear it around town, and frankly, I'd feel less of cock wearing that than I would a puffa jacket. And believe me, I look a cock in my Bunny Onesy. That's why it's an INSIDE GARMENT.

Here are my top 5 reasons for hating the Puffa; 

1. They are Unflattering. (Capital U) Why would anyone want to make themselves look like the Michelin Man? He is a tire. A big fat car tire.
2. It's not 1997 anymore. You are not in East 17. Anything that Brian Harvey has ever worn should automatically be written off as a potential purchase. 
3. The shiny ones resemble bin bags, full of air and sadness. 
4. Even the spelling 'Puffa' looks like text-speak. They are therefore assisting with the destruction of the English language. 
5. You look worse than the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. At least he looks good to eat. 

There are a plethora of other options. Tailored wool coats and jackets. Faux fur. Layers of fine Merino and cable knit jumpers. Military jackets, blazers and scarfs - I could go on forever. Anything but the Puffa, and bloody polar fleece, but that's another rant all together... 

Zia Hates - Kiwi Leg Sacks

Having managed to successfully escape the icy hell that was Great Britain in December 2010 I reached New Zealand summertime 2011 with Vogue in hand to hunt down some spring attire whilst Down Under.

Wandering the vast malls of Kiwi-Land I was most disturbed to find women everywhere sporting the now dreaded Leg Sacks. Which decade these hail from, I cannot say. They are loose three quarter length trousers, worn mid waist. They often feature many 'useful' pockets (why, oh why we have HANDBAGS for this ladies!) They can also be adorned with graceless toggles and ties. They do nothing to flatter, especially when combined with trainer and pulled up socks (Sorry Mum!) One can only hope these horrors are confined to this small island in the South Pacific.

Zia Hates - Double Denim

Every year I roll my eyes over some ridiculous trend that rears it's ugly head to greet us. A couple of summers ago it was turbans - this was wisely avoided entirely by the general public. None but the bravest attempted winters' Harem or Peg Trousers, because 90% of women worry frequently about the size of their arse, they aren't going to slip it into a garment that makes it look four times bigger.
Following on from the Harem, I've also been reading a bit about Bloomers... these I think are destined to go the way of the Reinvention of the Turban and disappear without a trace. Excruciatingly short (and therefore cellulite revealing) - Check, puffy at the hips - Check, waistband tight over stomach so everything you ate for lunch is visible - Check. Mark my words you crazy designers, Not Going To Happen. (Yes, even you Marc Jacob's, trying to fool us with your delightful 50's prints.)
The main punishment of 2010 appears to be the return of Double Denim, otherwise known as The Texas Tuxedo. A look that brings to mind Mullets and New Kids on the Block. Surely, they must be joking. So far I've only seen Alexa Chung look good in this, which is no fucking assistance because she can look good in anything. I've seen a photoshoot where actual MODELS looked terrible. Models! Beautiful otherworldly creatures with legs like gazelles. Models! Models with photographers, make up artists, lighting directors, and editors to retouch the photos at the end. No one stands a chance! Run while you still can!!!
Ok, let's not panic. I have a game plan.
1. Buy a denim dress. This is the all over denim look without actually pulling off the tricky double.
2. Opt for two completely different shades of denim or differing textures. Think pale grey denim jeans with a black tailored denim blazer jacket.
3. Invite Alexa Chung to a Seance, capture her soul in a Marmite Jar and thieve her body.

ZiaHates

I'm not sure hate is a strong enough word. Loathe, is probably correct. Today's rant, is brought to you but the letter S - for Scrunchie.
I quite simply cannot understand the appeal of the things... a bunched up bit of material (usually the nasty cheap scratchy variety) obscuring what might have been a classic sleek ponytail. They are unspeakably cheap in appearance and might ruin a good outfit, if I had ever seen a scrunchie accompanying a decent outfit, which I have not. The scrunchie is normally an unattractive addition to the 'Croydon Facelift' - the overtight high ponytail favoured by Chavs wearing white tracksuits and fifty creole earrings in each ear.
They bring to mind all the true horrors of the 80's - although a lot of these horrors are enjoying a revival at the moment... the peplum skirt, the boyfriend jacket with rolled up sleeves. I can't be convinced that these items are a good idea, not too long ago we were killing ourselves laughing that we wore them the first time around, why the sudden change of heart? And more worryingly I've heard from several sources the perm is on it's way back. If so I shall simply have to hide under the duvet until it's all over, I'm certainly not taking my style influence from 'Saved by The Bell.' Not again, anyway.

ZiaHates

Women in skirt-suites wearing running shoes.
Unnecessary, and frankly vulgar. The woman who does this is generally wearing a well cut suite and expensive, so white-it's-blinding trainers. Not cool trainers, but very very ugly ones, probably ones that look like the ones your Mum used to wear in the early 90's. With a very sensible haircut. Not cool, no, but extremely sensible, like it was designed to tackle the elements in a head on battle. The awful trainers overshadow the suit, once those bastards are on your feet you may as well have worn a tracksuit.
The excuse, apparently is that one cannot walk/train/drive/cycle in heels (I can cycle in four inch heels in fact, so that is total bollocks) without doing terrific damage and pain to the feet. I know this trauma, my current abode is a good 40 minute march to town, too long a distance for the beloved click of stiletto on pavement. But do I don the ugly trainers? No. Never. Ever. Ever.
I wear ballet pumps, flip flops, beaded/studded sandals, wedges (well, the sole is flat on the ground....) In winter there are many glorious boots to be shopped for and enjoyed and tramped all over the big bad city 'neath a suite.
No excuses.

ZiaHates

Uggs
Ok, so it's totally obvious, but these so called boots actually make my blood boil with rage. It's for no other reason, but the fact that she started this neverending trudge of a trend for these nasty geriatric slippers - that I hate Sienna Miller. I actually hate her for it.
And really, they are for old dears who can't get their arthritic feet into anything else, and these 80 plus pensioners have the self respect and decency to put some real fucking shoes on before they leave the house.
Uggs are also ugly. The ugliest. Even brand new they are so shapeless they look like beige Christmas stockings, then they collapse in on themselves leaving people wonky legged shuffling gracelessly down the street.
Even bloody Sienna Miller hasn't worn them for three years. So you shouldn't either.

ZiaHates

Crocs

These evil beasts should be should be wiped from the face of the planet. They look as those someone has ripped the jaw off a Tweeny and rammed their sweaty hoof into it.

Comfort has a limited place in fashion, and a pair of cutesy ballet pumps, or some biker boots for A/W are just as comfy and thankfully not as, well, fucking hideous.